In the Dark Room ... or Lost in the Hall of Mirrors

I imagine we all go through periods of deep self-absorption. The scary part is watching it in someone else, and realizing how blind you are when you can't see past yourself.

I call it being in the dark room, that state where you have absolutely no idea of the effect you're having on others.

You're either in too much psychological pain to accurately gauge reaction to your behavior, you've always been totally self-absorbed and somehow rewarded for it, or you're just plain oblivious. Maybe all of it.

I cringe when I think of my twenties and thirties, prime hall of mirror years. A lot of energy spent dwelling on my reflection.

Some of it's connected with mating ... worrying about How Do I Look and If He's Looking. Some of it's about work: Do They See What I'm Accomplishing? Am I Good Enough? Is this Enough Status? Enough Money?

And, embarrassingly (don't ask me how I know), it's possible to have Dark Room Redux in your forties, even fifties ... some would call it mid-life crisis.

At what point does it serve us best to stop craning our necks to catch sight of self-in-mirror, not to navel gaze, but just to do? Just to be? That seems be the door out of both the hall of mirrors and the dark room ...

...just step forward and walk out into the light. Back into connection with others, interaction, caring about what others are feeling and seeing and doing.

Today's fragrance: Serge Lutens Sa Majeste la Rose because I think it just screams Versailles. It's an elegant rose. Some herbal undernote. Beautiful but distant.