Jahrzeit
Today is the the thirteenth anniversary of my mother's death. I remember her in love and confusion.
She was contradictory: a Kansas farmgirl who eventually had servants ... a primly compliant officer's wife who stopped his career in its tracks with her during-the-divorce appraisal of him to his commanding officer ... nearly Puritanical, but had an affair with and later married a defrocked (later re-frocked) minister ... teeth-grittingly loyal, but capable of surgical precision in cutting people out of her life ... an aesthete, with shocking lapses in taste ... beautiful, but never quite certain of it.
I was never quite certain of you, Mother. But I loved you. And still miss you.
posted by mireille at 5:59 AM
8 Comments:
Is that a picture of your mother?! She's so beautiful! She looks like Ava Gardner. How old was she there?
I too have mixed feelings about my mother. And miss her still.
Hope this day isn't too painful for you. ♥
6:21 AM
Thank you, J. I'm not able to scan a picture of my mother -- and this probably IS Ava Gardner -- it's the illustration I used when I did an earlier story about her. She looked a great deal like this. I'm taking artistic license, but not much. xoxo
6:24 AM
Dear (((((M)))))
I don't know the words.
xoxo
8:32 AM
Mothers, they are never simple.
I hope my boys can recall me with more love than confusion.
Hugs to you, M.
She had a wonderful daughter.
10:11 AM
A post on a blog is so much more personal, more meaningful than a moment with a candle. Thinking of you.
10:51 AM
Lovely writing - I can just imagine her. Of course everyone is full of contradictions, and oh, how hard it is to see one's mother clearly. Confusion seems to be a pretty normal reaction. I certainly found my father simpler.
1:01 PM
♥ ♥ ♥
UC
1:59 PM
I agree, the proof of her is her daughter. I think maybe you inherited her self-assertiveness with a different self.
7:07 AM
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