my occasional musings on life, love, art, perfume ... what else is there?

3.02.2006

Jahrzeit

Today is the the thirteenth anniversary of my mother's death. I remember her in love and confusion.

She was contradictory: a Kansas farmgirl who eventually had servants ... a primly compliant officer's wife who stopped his career in its tracks with her during-the-divorce appraisal of him to his commanding officer ... nearly Puritanical, but had an affair with and later married a defrocked (later re-frocked) minister ... teeth-grittingly loyal, but capable of surgical precision in cutting people out of her life ... an aesthete, with shocking lapses in taste ... beautiful, but never quite certain of it.

I was never quite certain of you, Mother. But I loved you. And still miss you.

8 Comments:

Blogger Bela said...

Is that a picture of your mother?! She's so beautiful! She looks like Ava Gardner. How old was she there?

I too have mixed feelings about my mother. And miss her still.

Hope this day isn't too painful for you. ♥

6:21 AM

 
Blogger mireille said...

Thank you, J. I'm not able to scan a picture of my mother -- and this probably IS Ava Gardner -- it's the illustration I used when I did an earlier story about her. She looked a great deal like this. I'm taking artistic license, but not much. xoxo

6:24 AM

 
Anonymous kyahgirl said...

Dear (((((M)))))
I don't know the words.

xoxo

8:32 AM

 
Anonymous logo said...

Mothers, they are never simple.
I hope my boys can recall me with more love than confusion.
Hugs to you, M.
She had a wonderful daughter.

10:11 AM

 
Blogger Jemima said...

A post on a blog is so much more personal, more meaningful than a moment with a candle. Thinking of you.

10:51 AM

 
Blogger Lulu said...

Lovely writing - I can just imagine her. Of course everyone is full of contradictions, and oh, how hard it is to see one's mother clearly. Confusion seems to be a pretty normal reaction. I certainly found my father simpler.

1:01 PM

 
Blogger Urban Chick said...

♥ ♥ ♥

UC

1:59 PM

 
Blogger Doug said...

I agree, the proof of her is her daughter. I think maybe you inherited her self-assertiveness with a different self.

7:07 AM

 

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