my occasional musings on life, love, art, perfume ... what else is there?


Kid Fear vs. Adult Fear

You know what? There's no difference. Between being scared as a kid and being scared as an adult. This might not be a revelation to most of you, but I just thought of it and will treat it as brand new information. Please follow along.

Every summer when I was a kid, I went through the torment of the damned in August as I woke up to the fact that school was going to start in just a month AND I WAS ENTERING A NEW GRADE. A GRADE I HAD NEVER BEEN IN BEFORE. WITH A TEACHER WHO DIDN'T KNOW ME.

And every August -- oh, take for example the August after third grade, I had horrible daydreams and nightmares about how fourth grade was going to be my Alamo. I wouldn't make it out alive. I would have to make my last stand at *fill in the elementary school* fourth grade.

The terror. The terror.

And here I am, at age 54, having the same August I did prior to fourth grade.

They won't like me at paralegal school. They'll think I'm dumb. I won't be wearing the right clothes. The teachers will hate me. The work will be too hard. I'M GOING TO DIE.

Which makes me anxious. And hungry.

Want a twinkie?


Blogger Kate said...

It's hard for me to believe that a feisty, smart, witty person such as yourself would worry about such a thing. Any paralegal school would be lucky to have you. And Don't you forget it! :-)

5:12 PM

Blogger WinterWheat said...


You will kick ass.

Everyone will love you, especially the teachers. What's the average age of people in paralegal school? If it's fairly young, trust me, your instructors will love you. Older students don't expect special favors, they don't make excuses, they don't whine, they actually DO the reading, and they always have something intelligent to say.

I still have dreams of discovering that I've been enrolled in a stats class all semester and it's now December and I just realized I've never attended and there's no chance of dropping now. Those dreams alternate with the professor-with-no-control dreams in which I can't calm down an unruly lecture hall of 200 and get them to listen to me. I yell, I scream, but they won't shut up. Oh, and I show up late and unprepared.

It never ends. It's just fear of the unknown. After the first day you'll be right back in charge. :-)

5:22 PM

Blogger WinterWheat said...

p.s. Yes. I want a Twinkie. Desperately.

5:22 PM

Blogger Laura said...

Ms M, attention! I went back and took French grammar and conversation classes at university with 18 year olds and it was the most fun I've had in a long time. They don't care how old you are. You are all in it together. There is not the ageism there was when you and I were hippies (don't trust anyone over 30, etc.) and, most of all, YOU are fabulous, lovable and really, really smart and articulate. You will laugh at these worries in a month or so. Mark my words.
I've done it and I know. Ha.

5:39 PM

Blogger Bela said...

M, you will be absolutely fine: just as you must have been at school, all those years ago. You will love it and they will love you. :-)

6:00 PM

Blogger dddragon said...

Boy, do I remember that feeling! At some point I finally realized that it ended up being okay and I learned to look forward to September.

I'm taking a course at the local community college and I'm nervous about being the old one there ...

7:18 PM

Blogger NowSmellThis said...

Twinkies don't interest me. Got any brownies?

Anyway, must echo the thoughts above: You Will Be Great. Don't Worry. Everyone Will Love You. We Love You, Why Wouldn't They?

But I would worry too.

And must point out the one difference between childhood & adult fears: Grownups can't usually go crawl into Mommy's bed in the middle of the night. It is one of the drawbacks of being a grownup, as far as I am concerned.

7:34 PM

Blogger still life said...

all of the comments sound good to me. but if all else fails...bring candy and give it out during recess.

7:39 PM

Blogger ParisLondres said...

Absolute nonsense - you will kick ass and outwit most other paralegals AND lawyers. You are smart and there is no way you will not be loved. In reality - do you care whether they love you? You will be teaching most of your colleagues a lot and you have a lot of common sense my dear M.


12:14 AM

Blogger Atreau said...

Can I have a Twinkie for each hand please? You're going to knock 'em dead M! And think of all the fun it is to buy all the kitchy new school supplies - take a Hello Kitty notebook for good luck!

1:22 AM

Blogger Bela said...

Ooh, yes, S, new stationery is the remedy - not sweets! That was such fun; it made up for a lot of anxiety.

4:18 AM

Blogger cjblue said...

Oh, M. I so know that feeling. And for some reason, even though I've been out of school for ages, the smell of the first day of Fall inevitably throws me. I smell new shoes and backpack and my stomach clenches with anxiety.

However, as everybody has said above, you're going to have a wonderful time. Going back to school now brings with it a whole new meaning. This is something you really *want* to do. You'll be wonderful. You are absolutely smart enough. YOUR clothes are the right clothes and represent who you are right now, no peer pressure. The teachers might not all love you, but I have no doubt you will be interesting and challenging. And witty.

Target has tons of back to school stuff on sale right now. Go buy some crayons and a ruler! :D

You'll be great.

6:37 AM

Blogger mireille said...

a note to all of you: thank you so much for this. xoxoxoxoxo m

7:46 AM

Blogger schnoodlepooh said...

Good for you! You go Girl! I went back to school at age 45 and it was FUN! I was the oldest kid in my classes and it was great hanging out with the younger folks and learning how to be cool. I could identify with the instructors better also because they were working adults, like me. Oh yeah, school was okay too.

8:00 AM

Blogger Kyahgirl said...

ROTFL!! Yes, the scared little 9 year old, lurking in all of us, wields a lot of power!!

Yes, I'd love a twinkie but I think I'll have a glass of water and some fresh peas from the garden. Your frightening goddess still has me in her grips.

9:56 AM

Blogger mireille said...

ah Laura, check out winterwheat's contribution! A Twinkie For All of Us. Even Venus.

10:15 AM

Blogger Jonniker said...

Bullshit. You will be brilliant and beyond accepted. Beloved. I know this!

10:41 AM

Blogger Urban Chick said...

you'll be jes' fine, you daftie!

though i'm still disappointed you aren't joining me at dominatrix school

*sniffs dolefully*

11:45 AM

Blogger actonbell said...

I have never gotten over this feeling, either--every single time I've started a new job...well-put.
You'll knock'em out!

2:18 PM

Anonymous janey said...

I went to paralegal school at night for a year and had to stop. My dad was sick and there was just not enough hours in the day or evening. After he died I just didn't have the umph to go to school at night anymore. I did
notice that almost all the paralegal students were older. The young ones want to go to law school (my nephew's a lawyer - proud aunt here). I only
had the intro classes but they were really interesting. You're going to like it I know you are and you'll be the funniest one in the class and they're all going to love you and I got the same jitters every new grade I started and every new job. It never really goes away. I think there's
something wrong if you're not nervous about something new.

7:01 PM


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