my occasional musings on life, love, art, perfume ... what else is there?

8.09.2005

The Blessing of An Amicable Divorce


I talked to my ex-husband last night and realized I've known him now for 25 years, almost half my life. In my volatile family, that's a long time to know someone ... and still be talking to them.

I like him. He drives me crazy, but I like him.

And I love his mother, who taught me her version of what it is to be a Jewish woman ... and made me proud to be so. (She'd asked him to tell me she missed me. I miss her, too.)

She's intellectual, bull-headed, quirky, still doing yoga. And proud possessor -- at the age of 71 -- of a literary agent shopping around her first book. You go, girl.

So, after fourteen years of marriage and nine years of divorce, it's strange -- and nice -- to realize there's still a bit of family left there. Still a connection. It didn't all blow up in hatred and acrimony; I didn't lose everything of value, I didn't waste all those years.

10 Comments:

Blogger Kate said...

That's really an accomplishment. I say that without any irony at all. It's cool that you are still on good terms. :-)

8:11 PM

 
Blogger Tan Lucy Pez said...

Cool! Aral and her ex-husband are the best of friends. He still calls me on mother's day, and my husband on father's day, etc.

Good for you, and your ex, and his mom!

8:38 PM

 
Blogger still life said...

i've always thought that there are no wasted years. whether the relationships are easy or stormy...they are ours and will always be. i think that's great.

8:50 PM

 
Blogger ducklet said...

you can't put a price on a solid in-law relationship.

my parents would disown me if i ever left my wife (we've only been married 10 years).

9:25 PM

 
Blogger katiedid said...

That is indeed an accomplishment - I'm sure it's something you all must have worked on and tended to in order to make it turn out so. There's no way friendly terms like that just "happen," in so far as I have seen.

9:48 PM

 
Blogger Atreau said...

You are an incredibly woman M!

10:52 PM

 
Blogger Tom & Icy said...

Very wise indeed

2:44 AM

 
Anonymous Laura said...

I think the human heart tends/wants to knit up old fractures, the way bones do. Good for you and your ex in laws, M.

3:19 AM

 
Blogger Bela said...

That's lovely and amazing. I can't understand how this kind of thing can happen and I'm in awe of it. :-)

5:55 AM

 
Blogger Kyahgirl said...

I admire you so much M!
After 13 years of marriage and 12 years since our divorce, I don't speak to my ex or his family but neither do I pretend it wasn't a part of my life. I have to be authentic and accounatable for my life, especially in the eyes of my children, even though I'd rather sweep it all away and pretend it never happened. It hurts still to think of all those blessed years I wasted, not being able to summon the self esteem to find a better quality of love for myself. I finally did it and hopefully will be able to share something of value with my children through the hard lessons I've learned. Probably not though....I cringe at thought.

10:34 AM

 

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