my occasional musings on life, love, art, perfume ... what else is there?

11.17.2005

Lessons From My Mother

Today when I took that test, I wore my mother's pearls with my typical black-turtleneck -and-black-jeans. And I thought, if there's any luck to be had, I'll get it with these.

Not that my mother was inherently lucky. She would have said the opposite. But she was smart; she had such hard-earned wisdom.

My mother taught me so many things. Mostly when I wasn't looking and couldn't head it off.

Most of what she taught me was after the fact. Like there's power and then there's power ... females can access and use everything they're given to get what they want ... and that the best kind of power is sex and brains in tandem.

She learned that the hard way, I think. My mother was the kind of beauty that men lusted after. An Ava Gardner beauty in a repressed time. She worked it, though -- filtered through her own weirdly Puritan ethic. To my mind, she did a lot of self-justification ... but at this point in my life, I'm less inclined to criticize her for that.

I'm not that kind of beauty ... but I'm getting more and more comfortable with my particular brand of attractiveness. Does that sound self-aggrandizing? I mean, it's taken me a half-century *gasp* to earn that kind of acceptance-of-self ... so forgive me if it does.

Like today, I felt good about my face, and my body, and the way people respond to me. And a twenty-three year old told me how good I looked (mwah, Leslie!) ...

And I thought, "Mother, are you there? They're working. Thank you."

What better luck than to like how you look at 54? (And I think I did ok on the test, too.)

7 Comments:

Blogger Urban Chick said...

i'm feeling very lucky because i've seen that photo before...

and i'll say it again: you look fantastic! that hair is to die for! hope mine looks as thick and luscious in another twenty years

and, of course, i hope i feel as happy about the way i look

i hope others are going to spot this before you take it down!

UC
x

2:37 AM

 
Blogger Bela said...

How lovely!

I don't think I've felt like that since I was 27.

When do we get the results of that test? *getting all excited about it*

5:10 AM

 
Blogger Kyahgirl said...

As one of the blessed few bloggers who has met you in person, I will say your beauty is real and tangible. I'm so glad to know you. Not only are you appealing to look at with your thick brown hair and lively eyes but your inner wisdom and beauty shine from you like a light!
Can I post the head shot of us together?
*mwah*

7:27 AM

 
Blogger Laura said...

Wonderful to read how well you're doing, M! Your mother's pearls are a fantastic amulet I'm sure. Sending big hugs to you.

7:28 AM

 
Blogger cjblue said...

Damn, missed it.

I'm sure your mother was an amazing woman. She definitely did a great job with you. I love days when I get that feeling. Yay re test!

7:56 AM

 
Blogger Tan Lucy Pez said...

GOOD FOR YOU! You should feel good about yourself.

6:40 PM

 
Blogger Ariella said...

Wish I'd seen it!
I know you are gorgeous though, the little glimpses of your heart and soul here tell me all I really need to know!

1:49 PM

 

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