No Matter Where I Go, There I Am
This morning I once again proved something I've been carrying around in my head for a couple of days: that no matter what surface finish I apply, there's still solid oak underneath.
I mean, I can't disguise my real nature. Not for long anyway. Even if I think I can.
One of my most rooted characteristics is leading with my chin. Which years ago an old boss told me I did and I was so oblivious to my own behavior, I had to ask him what it meant.
It means I am quick to be hurt if I think somebody is trying to get over on me, or ignore me or in some way insult me.
And I am prone to responding aggressively to perceived insult -- usually to the detriment of the relationship, especially if no such insult was intended.
Here's the surface finish I'm currently trying to apply, in hopes that enough of it will sink in that the oak will be adequately protected, if not intrinsically different:
I am trying to slow my reaction when I'm hurt. I am learning to suspend judgement and trying to remain neutral in my initial reaction to perceived slights. Trying to spread out the time between perception and reaction, to give myself time to check reality (whatever that is) and let events resolve without my usual bullnosed intervention.
Sometimes I feel like I'm in emotional kindergarten, learning things way after the other kids.
But better late than never. Some learn fast, some learn not slow. No matter where I am, there I go.
Today's fragrance: Stella by Stella McCartney. Rose, rose, rose, rose, amber, amber, amber, amber. Simple fragrance for a simple person.