my occasional musings on life, love, art, perfume ... what else is there?

5.27.2005

Does This Flowing Garment Make Me Look Fat?


Where I live -- in my mind -- one of my favorite places to travel is the Land of the MakeOver.

As changes in my life approach, I feel the need to do this with my appearance. Big Changes are coming in my life and therefore, I will need to look Completely Different than I do now.

There's not much I can do about my height -- all 60 inches of it -- but of course I will need to become stick thin, immediately. Flashback to diets I have known and hated:


  • The Medically Supervised Fast. In which I lose 40 lbs while subsisting on 400 (count 'em) 400 calories a day. For four months.
  • The Falling Out of Love Diet in which I lose ten pounds in two weeks by simply stopping eating, sleeping incessantly, refusing to take off my loved one's stinky t-shirt, crying and watching bad TV.
  • The Recovering from Surgery Diet which requires something to be cut off or out, massive analgesia resulting in sleeping most of the time, perhaps alternating with intense pain and/or throwing up. Excellent results with this one, up to ten pounds a week; unfortunately I currently have nothing that needs to be cut off or out.
  • South Beach. Meh to somebody who really doesn't much like protein. But it's not draconian and it works. This is the one I'm now enduring.

The exercise program. Oh yuk. Will increase number of walks with Bucky. When? Oh ... soon.

Ok. The Hair. In a previous blogpost I discussed my unrest with my shoulder-brushing, dark brown shot-through-with-silver-with-silver-streaks-on-side hair. I have Been There and Done Every Possible Permutation with the hair. My decision: a trim to make my bob variation severely blunt, and then leave it the heck alone. It's been through enough already.

Hands and Feet: manicure and pedicure. Pale polish on hands, bloodred polish on toes. Easy.

The Skin. I'm blessed with good skin that I started caring for at an early age. However, one must be ever vigilant and in that regard I have Completely sworn off any natural sunlight (don't talk to me about Vitamin D) and reinitiated the Retin-A micro. This is why I currently look like our gecko (yes, we have a leopard gecko named Alphonse) in a skin-shedding phase. I shall look normal by September.

Here is the most fantasy-laden component of my Make Over program: the Clothes. I tend to vacillate wildly during these Life Changing episodes. For instance, I once went from boho chic to preppy in one fell swoop. It was quite the shock to my coworkers when the peasant blouses, all-natural-fiber sari print floor-brushing skirts and native jewelry gave way to khakis, blue-striped buttondowns and navy blazers with Tiffany solitaire necklace. Overnight.

Now, fortunately, the only ones I have to shock are Jim, Bucky and Alphonse -- and, frankly, anything other than black sweats, tunic/t-shirt and bare feet is going to blow them away. Must think more on clothing choices, but am thinking traditional: straight skirts, slacks, sweaters, ballet flats, low-heeled pumps. Something that won't look weird in a law firm.

Oh God, am I really going to do this? *Self rebels at this, wants a brownie, wants to continue slothful lifestyle and wants to get nose pierced.* *Slaps Self and tells it to sit down and shut up. And do some leglifts, as long as you're just sitting there.*

Today's fragrance: mmmmm, a melange of last night's Route du The with some Sung Sha for good measure. Light tea and lilac mix ... pale green floral for an unseasonably hot afternoon.

8 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ha! hahahahah. I hate to be first again. Where is the rest of the world I wonder? Don't they know to stop in here first?

I pierced my own nose one week end in college. I used a big fat needle and a tray of ice cubes alone in my kitchen. It was beautifully stunning but everyone I worked with at the bakery just thought I had gone to that other land in my head. After a few months I succumbed to peer pressure and removed the nose ornament.

I'll support you in your next radical shift. You go get 'em Mireille!

~clearing

9:37 AM

 
Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

Very cute and real to so many women.

Once I had bought a Halloween card, with a sharpey dog on the front, dressed in a devil's suit and inside it said, "does this make me look fat?"

We always think this way, no matter what, ever if we are covered by bareness.

12:32 PM

 
Blogger Jonniker said...

I know this wasn't the crux of the post, but I can't stop laughing at Alphonse. I swear, M, ONLY YOU would have a gecko named Alphonse. It's truly priceless.

As for the clothes and insta-makeover, man. I relate. Am pondering how to go from lazy wardrobe to cute, preppy Florida-ready wannabe hip suburban mom. And what does that even meeeeeaaaan?

xxoo. I just love you. You kill me.

5:49 PM

 
Blogger Atreau said...

M,

I don't think you need a makeover! You need a makeunder because you're just too fabulous and you smell wonderful! You're going to knock their socks off babe and leave them breathless! They're going to wonder what life was like before you ever came into their lives!

Health and Happiness Always!

6:26 PM

 
Blogger katiedid said...

You had me hooked right in with the title/picture combo! So clever.

8:45 AM

 
Blogger Annieytown said...

I do not call it a makeover but a reinvention. How do you want to dress? Go for whatever style you covet. Be a hipster paralegal!
I am currently attempting a style transformation this year too. I am tired of black pants and coats. I want to wear the shrunken jackets with high end jeans. So I joined weight watchers and walk during lunch. It is a slow process but I am determined.

5:58 PM

 
Blogger mireille said...

hey Annie, thanks for the inspiration. Hipster paralegal. I can do that. xoxo

6:51 PM

 
Blogger Justine said...

Dieting sucks. Fullstop. All it does is make you feel cold.

Someone from where I used to work (public service) said that changing yourself to suit your employer was personality prostitution. Whaddaya reckon?

8:08 PM

 

Post a Comment

<< Home