Does This Flowing Garment Make Me Look Fat?

Where I live -- in my mind -- one of my favorite places to travel is the Land of the MakeOver.

As changes in my life approach, I feel the need to do this with my appearance. Big Changes are coming in my life and therefore, I will need to look Completely Different than I do now.

There's not much I can do about my height -- all 60 inches of it -- but of course I will need to become stick thin, immediately. Flashback to diets I have known and hated:

• The Medically Supervised Fast. In which I lose 40 lbs while subsisting on 400 (count 'em) 400 calories a day. For four months.
• The Falling Out of Love Diet in which I lose ten pounds in two weeks by simply stopping eating, sleeping incessantly, refusing to take off my loved one's stinky t-shirt, crying and watching bad TV.
• The Recovering from Surgery Diet which requires something to be cut off or out, massive analgesia resulting in sleeping most of the time, perhaps alternating with intense pain and/or throwing up. Excellent results with this one, up to ten pounds a week; unfortunately I currently have nothing that needs to be cut off or out.
• South Beach. Meh to somebody who really doesn't much like protein. But it's not draconian and it works. This is the one I'm now enduring.
  

The exercise program. Oh yuk. Will increase number of walks with Bucky. When? Oh ... soon.

Ok. The Hair. In a previous blogpost I discussed my unrest with my shoulder-brushing, dark brown shot-through-with-silver-with-silver-streaks-on-side hair. I have Been There and Done Every Possible Permutation with the hair. My decision: a trim to make my bob variation severely blunt, and then leave it the heck alone. It's been through enough already.

Hands and Feet: manicure and pedicure. Pale polish on hands, bloodred polish on toes. Easy.

The Skin. I'm blessed with good skin that I started caring for at an early age. However, one must be ever vigilant and in that regard I have Completely sworn off any natural sunlight (don't talk to me about Vitamin D) and reinitiated the Retin-A micro. This is why I currently look like our gecko (yes, we have a leopard gecko named Alphonse) in a skin-shedding phase. I shall look normal by September.

Here is the most fantasy-laden component of my Make Over program: the Clothes. I tend to vacillate wildly during these Life Changing episodes. For instance, I once went from boho chic to preppy in one fell swoop. It was quite the shock to my coworkers when the peasant blouses, all-natural-fiber sari print floor-brushing skirts and native jewelry gave way to khakis, blue-striped buttondowns and navy blazers with Tiffany solitaire necklace. Overnight.

Now, fortunately, the only ones I have to shock are Jim, Bucky and Alphonse -- and, frankly, anything other than black sweats, tunic/t-shirt and bare feet is going to blow them away. Must think more on clothing choices, but am thinking traditional: straight skirts, slacks, sweaters, ballet flats, low-heeled pumps. Something that won't look weird in a law firm.

Oh God, am I really going to do this? *Self rebels at this, wants a brownie, wants to continue slothful lifestyle and wants to get nose pierced.* *Slaps Self and tells it to sit down and shut up. And do some leglifts, as long as you're just sitting there.*

Today's fragrance: mmmmm, a melange of last night's Route du The with some Sung Sha for good measure. Light tea and lilac mix ... pale green floral for an unseasonably hot afternoon.