How Far Do We Travel From Where We Start?
"Voici mon secret. Il est très simple : on ne voit bien qu'avec le coeur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux." "Here is my secret. It is very simple: It is with the heart that one can see most rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye."
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
In an earlier blog post, I talked about this writing as means to reach an authentic voice, something I feel I lost in many years of writing commercial copy.
But last night, as I lie in bed, I thought about how hard it is to live real, not just write real -- how hard it is to get free of the layers of fake you create as part of your everyday life.
Early in life, we decide upon a persona and set about generating a life that aligns with who we see ourselves as being.
In my case, I built upon differentness. And this quirkiness, this iconoclastic "I'm really not like anyone else and therefore most societal rules don't apply to me" ethos worked for me right up until it didn't.
Something happens in your life to shake your sense of who you are, the mask you've generated, and -- at least in my case -- I was forced to confront the truth of my commonness.
I am more like you than I want to admit.
I want what most humans want: love, security, connection. I am not capable of being alone, freestanding, unencumbered.
I must take responsibility for my humanity, the fact that I owe others the love, loyalty and compassion they've shown me. I have to return to the heart, return the heart.
I don't think I was very real to begin with. I started early to build defenses, the walls that insulate one from listening to, and following, the heart. It seems that rather than traveling back to realness, I have to learn what real is.
And it's a constant process. To be quiet and listen for what is real. And then live within it.
Today's fragrance: Serge Lutens Chergui. Honeyed incensey tobacco-ey richness. And I've been promised rose and sandalwood in this ... let's see if they show up. (Even if they don't, I love the way this smells on me.)
Many thanks to mysteryfemme for the quote.