my occasional musings on life, love, art, perfume ... what else is there?


The Boring Despair of the Self-Obsessed Navel Gazer

I feel like I am underwater and hoping to surface soon.

It has been a year of reassessment and training, a year in which I rediscovered I am competent at navigating the outside world ... but I am still afraid.

And I feel so indebted.

My thoughts are all over the place. The nature of love. What I owe others. Honor. Reciprocation. I am way behind in the human relations sector.

Faced with circumstances I don't believe I can control or adequately address, I get close to despair. Even when I intellectually know that what I feel is at odds with objective reality.

But jeez, who doesn't? Everybody goes through this. Don't they? So adolescent.

Think and feel and think and feel. Self-obsessive navel-gazing. And it bores other people.

Nothing worse than being boring.

I'd better snap out of this pretty quick.

Sidenote: I think being a parent cures this. I don't know many good parents who indulge themselves in the Theda Bara school of self-centered behavior. They're too involved in someone else's needs. It's a lesson, really.


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