The Boring Despair of the Self-Obsessed Navel Gazer
I feel like I am underwater and hoping to surface soon.
It has been a year of reassessment and training, a year in which I rediscovered I am competent at navigating the outside world ... but I am still afraid.
And I feel so indebted.
My thoughts are all over the place. The nature of love. What I owe others. Honor. Reciprocation. I am way behind in the human relations sector.
Faced with circumstances I don't believe I can control or adequately address, I get close to despair. Even when I intellectually know that what I feel is at odds with objective reality.
But jeez, who doesn't? Everybody goes through this. Don't they? So adolescent.
Think and feel and think and feel. Self-obsessive navel-gazing. And it bores other people.
Nothing worse than being boring.
I'd better snap out of this pretty quick.
Sidenote: I think being a parent cures this. I don't know many good parents who indulge themselves in the Theda Bara school of self-centered behavior. They're too involved in someone else's needs. It's a lesson, really.