my occasional musings on life, love, art, perfume ... what else is there?

8.05.2006

Of Two Minds

Between reading reviews of vodka, searching for the perfect martini ingredient ... desultorily sniffing perfume samples ... meticulously counting calories of everything I put in my mouth ... searching for the best broiled sole recipe ... and studiously avoiding sending out resumes, which was what I was supposed to be doing ... I noticed I haven't been able to write.

I mean, I'm still thinking. It just isn't ringing with clarity and it doesn't come out as written sentences.

What I have been observing is that I am of two minds about almost everything. I am in this strange place where I can see two sides of everything. How many of us have trouble justifying dual natures -- of ourselves, and everything surrounding us?

It is far easier to be philosophically clear about what is right, to dogmatically know that yours is the Way and the Light. It is much easier to defend the "right" side.

But I see no "right" side now.

Why is it that we could go grocery shopping this morning in a pristine, airconditioned store that features incredible selection of beautiful food -- we purchased what we wanted, and came home to a peaceful, intact neighborhood where the loudest noise is the neighbors' unfortunate taste in technopop.

I lavishly used running water to rinse the chard we're having for dinner ... if I flip a switch, the lights come on, the broiler will heat, my computer will boot up.

Why are we given so much? Look at how they're living in Iraq, in Israel and Lebanon right now.

The wars make me wake up and fall asleep wondering why our country, to date, hasn't suffered the way the mideast is currently suffering. I have this awful feeling of waiting for another shoe to drop, for us to be made to pay the toll for the incredible amount of hatred directed toward us from so many points on the globe. Some of it we've earned. A lot of it we haven't. But it won't matter when the bomb explodes.

It didn't matter a week ago when a deranged individual forced his way into the Seattle Jewish Federation, shot and killed one woman, and wounded five more.

The Blue Angels are in Seattle this week for SeaFair, and they held practice flights over our neighborhood. It is too easy, and terrifying, to imagine those FA/18 Hornet jets doing the jobs they were intended to do, rather than making PR runs overhead, on behalf of an affluent American city's summer festival.

I am of one mind as I pray to God that I'm never underneath jets like that when they're carrying bombs intended for my homeland, my home, to destroy my life.

But don't you think the Iraqis, the Israelis and the Lebanese prayed the same thing?

6 Comments:

Blogger Doug said...

Wow, Mireille. That was so well-written and thoughtful I can't think of a single negative thing to say. We have a lot to be thankful, and I hope we can learn to share out gratitude more wisely.

11:33 PM

 
Blogger mamiesb said...

Be fiercely grateful for the lives we have right now, pray for peace, and watch the skies. Thank you for writing this, to remind me.
Pax.

6:20 PM

 
Blogger Jemima said...

I hadn't heard that news from Seattle. Somehow it's worse to hear of one death highlighted, easier to digest, than face up to what the loss on a bigger scale actually means in human terms. Horrible. The death of one is a tragedy the death of millions is just a statistic. It's not often I agree with Stalin. No one deserves the aftermath of politicians playing War.

3:59 AM

 
Blogger actonbell said...

...waiting for the other shoe to drop...I've had the feeling that we're living during some sort of turning point, or eleventh-hour, for some time now. It's all so crazy, and meanwhile, our politicians don't care to understand other cultures, or WHY others hate us. It certainly is scary. I've never been so scared about world events before.

Wonderfully expressed, Mireille.

2:57 PM

 
Blogger puppytoes said...

as the world gets smaller, the possiblities of such danger seems so much greater...and you're right, it's terrifying.

this was a beautiful and thoughtful post, Mireille. and an excellent reminder of how easy it is to take all that we are so blessed to have for granted. i, too, pray for a time of greater peace and understanding in the world... or at least the kind of leadership that is willing and capable of effecting a positive change! xox neva

8:14 AM

 
Blogger still life said...

Yes, Yes, Yes.
That is precisely the way I felt after 9/11. And it took me quite some time to stop listening for the drop of the shoe.

1:07 PM

 

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