Unexplored Career Option: Kept Woman, Concubine, Harem Member

Once again the power of perfume: I'm wearing Hermes' Ambre Narguile ... which is a deep, velvety apple-y tobacco-y ginger-y scent taking its name from the amber mouthpiece of an arabic narguile (hookah).

This fragrance, designed by Jean-Claude Ellena, is one of the four Hermessences (also including Rose Ikebana, Poivre Samarcande and Vetiver Tonka) wildly popular among denizens of a fragrance board I frequent.

Now I know why.

This rich scent and all it represents has compelled me to totally rethink this whole American Woman thing.

As the spicy, smoky 'fume wafts around me, I can imagine some real advantages to the harem concept.

A bunch of chicks, sitting around on pillows, buffing their toenails as they wait their turn to entertain the sheik. (All that's missing is Internet access.) The work hours are certainly nothing to complain about.

Let's see, your average harem has about 15 women, that's a 15 woman-to-sheik ratio ... let's figure the sheik probably only needs you for a couple hours at a time (in the evening, leaving your days free) -- and he could only be of benefit to three women a night, max. So you're probably only on duty -- hey! Once a week, if that! And that's not even factoring in ongoing harem rotation.

I love their outfits ... those flowing garment things are so flattering to a multitude of body types. And speaking of bodies, voluptuous is in as far as sheiks go. I mean, since we have nothing to do but eat halvah and sit around, there's going to be some poundage put on. Apparently female pulchritude (look it up) is a prized commodity. And don't forget the eye-makeup! That heavy eyeliner/smoky eyes/pale lips is a great look on me!

So: complete absence of body image issues, loafing and snacking encouraged, comfortable work attire, unlimited black eyeliner, the opportunity to smell good and be continually surrounded by lush fragrance PLUS reasonable work hours.

Talk about Being All You Can Be.